What I Learned on the School Bus (Hint: It’s Kind of Deep) (4/2/2010)
I was twenty-years old and on the school bus. It wound down Albany streets from that giant, cement campus to Willet Street where I had my first apartment. I was bright and intense and I had my eclectic group of artist friends. By most accounts I should have known who I was.
Although it was twelve years ago, I can still see him. Dark eyes and well-shaped jaw. Hair that hung a little over his forehead. Then he sat down in the seat in front of me and started talking. Not to me. To a petite, dark-haired, stylish girl.
I couldn’t help it. I listened. And no matter how clearly wrong for me I knew he was after overhearing his frat boy posturing, I went into this kind of freeze up. It was a familiar tundra I wandered around in those days: wondering desperately what I could do to make this person like me. What parts of myself should I banish? What parts should I display? On any other day, I would have spent the whole ride trying to imagine who I would have to be to get a guy like him to like me.
But this one particular day, on the college school bus, grace descended. And I realized I was totally missing the point.
It had always sounded like a platitude, as most wisdom does, but yes: I finally understood. You don’t actually want to spend time with someone who doesn’t want to spend time with the you. The real you, anyway. It doesn’t feel good. You’re better off putting yourself out there as you are, even if it means having less imagined social relationships to cling to.
In owning who you are, you attract the real people who really want to be around you. And those are the people you want to be around, too, because that is where the resonance is. Resonance is energy and joy grounded in inner peace. Your breathing deepens, your shoulders relax, you don’t second guess your words or actions. You know if when you feel it.
But even when we get this point about relationships in our teens or twenties, how much longer does it take to apply it to our business relationships? How many years do we continue to lie on our resumes or in job interviews about our true resonance? How long do we go after careers we don’t really want, or take on roles that drain us, playing the part we think someone else wants us to play?
How much do we compartmentalize our passions from our productivity, our joy from our job? And when looking for customers or clients, how often do we sacrifice the right person later for the wrong person now?
Ever since I started owning who I am as an editor, writer, and art marketing consultant, my business has actually grown. The right people who need my help have shown up and the wrong people have faded gently away.
The process of owning who you are is your own journey. I can’t plot it for you. But it can start with focusing on joy. For me, I own my belief that following my bliss is more powerful than the rules, statistics, and finger-waggers who tell me what is is and isn’t possible.
I’m not trying to get on a soapbox today, just to share a bit about who I really am. If it resonates with you, then we’re good company for each other. If not, then maybe it will someday, but it’s okay if it doesn’t. You will find the right resonance elsewhere.
See how that works? As easy as riding a bus.
Be good and write well,
Be well and write good,
Nina
